This Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television landscape of the recent year, a selection of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with woeful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the third season started, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final season. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, viewers undeniably found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The recipient of a very rare zero star review, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so poor they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was like reading a marketing catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to emulate something way beyond it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.